the Shot Party

October 29, 2009
This is recorded for posterity sake. The Influenza Swineus Pandemic of 2009 will long be remembered by the thousands that stood in line at one of the mass flu shot clinics in Little Rock. I was one of them.

I have been unable to decide whether the worst part of the morning long ordeal was the three and a half hour wait, or the fact that I left my coffee in the minivan, or that by the time we left, I was less than %100 sure that we had even received that right vaccines.

Imagine, if you will, hundreds of people standing in line, in the rain. Now add at least one preschooler per adult. Now imagine a long, mall-like hallway with various tables and signs set up as you make your way towards your desired injection. It sort of reminded me of Frodo, Legolas, Gandolf, and Gimli making their way through the Mines of Moria, except instead of elves and dwarves as my companions, I had my three children under four years, and Jennifer my neighbor and her two children, ages three and one. Instead of a magical ring to rule them all and in the darkness bind them, I had BOB Duallie: The stroller to end all strollers. I tried not to run over other children and mothers, but there were too many people, not enough space and accidents do happen.

This was, of course, after we got in the doors. We arrived at 8:10am, a little less than an hour before the clinic was to open. We had armed ourselves with Krispy Kreme doughnuts, Jennifers laptop for movies, a hot potato game, bird house crafts, stickers, markers, and other snacks. Few of these were used, however, since the first hour and fifteen minutes were spent in the rain. Once we got through the doors, we could actually see the tables with coolers and those red medical biohazard bins! But it would be another two hours before we actually got our shots. So, we built the bird houses, we colored them with markers. We chided the boys for trying to push the black divider curtains over. I didn't like it when another mom said I was a virtual Martha Stuart. "I'll show YOU Marth Stuart" I wanted to say. Marth Stuart went to prison, you know. Since there were police around, I kept my cool instead of starting a riot.

The fun just kept going. We were shuffled to a folding table to hand over our paperwork. Micah kept trying to draw on his face with a read marker and Silas was coughing incessantly, a symptom of a bad upper respiratory virus, over which Joel had warned that health care workers might try to deny him a vaccine. After the lady at the table handed us a pile of paperwork three times the size I had originally given her, we stood in yet another line. After another 20 minutes or so, we were nearly through the gauntlet when...

**Twenty-four hours of reflection on the event has lead me to believe that what happened next was quite appropriate. KATV news was there to report on all the people getting shots. It makes sense; it really was a spectacle something akin to three-ring circus. And what what more news worthy than a mom hauling her three kids through the rain and masses to get shots?**

...the news reporter asked if she could film the kids getting their shots and interview me. She asked "Are all these yours?! And they're all under four?!" Thus I and my children were on the 5:00 news. I think I might have enjoyed this part a little bit except that I had been standing in the rain and wearing the same clothes I practically slept in. Plus with my three children four and under, I thought surely people would think I didn't understand how to use birth control. Now imagine a mom -looking perhaps like a wet mother cat dragging her wet rowdy kittens- being followed around by a camera and news crew.

When we finally sat down to get our shots, the six people at our station had difficulty remembering that we were getting H1N1 shots, as well as seasonal flu shots. They had to consult with one another whether they could do two different shots at one table and then when they finally decided, they had to track down seasonal flu shots for us. Jennifer and her kids, as well as a few other friends I saw there, had been lead to multiple destinations for single shots. Oh, and never mind that all our kids have to get yet another dose of the H1N1 vaccine to have the most effective immunity!

In the end, I couldn't help but think about how simple this clinic should have been. It was inefficient and confusing to patients as well as staff. (This is my plug for NO GOVERNMENT HEALTH CARE). I think that giving birth was less complicated and faster than getting these shots!

To sum up: we got the shots. Hopefully we won't get the flu. But I think next year we might just risk it.