Millie

Camille Jane Mariyah Fankhauser
Born March 28, 2011
Officially a Fankhauser on October 17, 2011

We chose her name for it's meaning. "Camille" means "perfect." "Jane" means "gift" or "God is gracious". Her biological mother asked if she could also choose a middle name. We wanted to honor her request and found the meaning of the name she chose to also be quite appropriate. Mariyah means "bitterness". And so it was for her.

*Nicki's story isn't ours to share and since we know so few details, there's little to say anyway. She wanted a closed adoption and at the time of Millie's birth, did not want pictures or updates. That has since changed. She asks for the updates every month according to her social worker who works in Little Rock. She has also sent Millie a picture of 3 little boys: her biological brothers, ages 4 and 2 (twins). She looks just like them! As for Millie's biological father, we know nothing.

And now, if you want to read the long version of going to the hospital and all that, here you go. There's also a picture you can look at if you make it to the end.

• At end of November, our plans to adopt Keira's baby fall through and we're very, very sad.

• Sometime the first week of March, Joel tells me he's ready to consider working towards another adoption**. I call Sarah the Social Worker and she says, "great. Figure out if you want to pursue another domestic adoption or switch back to the Ethiopia adoption." We talk about it and pray about it and feel led to adopt domestically.
  

• Sometime the second week of March, we receive an email about a couple of babies who were about to born, and would we prayerfully consider one of them. I called our social worker to let her know we were interested but that we were trying to plan a trip to Costa Rica and this baby would be born before our trip. She advised us to plan the trip because this mom was a very, very young teenager and had expressed that she wanted a family without children to adopt her baby. She also informed us that Ethiopia's Women and Children Division was drastically reducing the number of referrals. Adopting from Ethiopia would be a long and difficult process if we ever wanted to pursue it.
  

• Sometime around the third week of March, our plans for Costa Rica fail. For the first time, I say out loud, "there must be a reason" and I honestly believe it.
  

• March 21, 2001- I send updated copies of our family profile scrapbook

• March 22, we receive another email about a baby that we should prayerfully consider. I replied that we were certainly interested. We had already responded to 4 or 5 such emails. Joel's mom was in town and I told her about it and then tried to put it out of my mind.
  

• March 23, Sarah calls and I will never forget her words, "She chose you! The baby is scheduled for delivery via c-section on March 28". March 28 was 3 days before our trip to Costa Rica was supposed to have ended. Debbie and I spent the next couple of days buying lasagna at Sam's, setting up the pack and play and buying a car seat.

• March 29, we pack up the car as early as we've ever traveled since having 3 children (7am) and head for Little Rock. We drop off Silas, Micah and Liza with Andrea and my mom who drove up to help us. Joel and I head for the hospital. It feels like we waited for hours in the lobby. And then it felt like we waited for hours in the hospital room.

I remember the exact moment I first saw her! Awe of how tiny and beautiful, disbelief that this was happening, then fear that it would end like it had before.

But it didn't end. Millie was discharged as a healthy newborn to Nicki's social worker who then walked with us out of the hospital. Once we were outside the hospital, she would then give us legal custody until the adoption was final. When she was placed in my arms in the parking lot, I started to cry out of gratitude and humility and also a deep sorrow for Nicki that I hadn't expected to feel. I guess it was the magnitude of her decision that finally hit me. In that moment all her rights and responsibilities as Millie's mother were transferred to me.

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Now here we are, nearly 7 months later. Andrea, Anabelle and Ava came with us to court. We shuffled through security, all of us a little cold and anxious. We all practiced saying "yes, your honor" and "no, your honor" just in case. We met our lawyer for the first time. We waited in a waiting room. We entered the judge's office. We answered questions and I began to worry that he might say no. Liza, although not spitting, was running circles around the chairs and giggling. I thought maybe if the policeman would hand cuff her she would be scared straight. Instead the judge asked her a question directly, which she completely ignored.

But then he signed our petition anyway, we took a picture, and it was done.
We are no longer legal guardians, but have been officially declared Millie's mother and father. All the bleeding, sweating, and crying has just begun but we joyfully embrace her as our daughter!***




*Not her real name
**See blog post titled "the Advent" if you need a refresher.
***Congratulations for making it to the end of the post, and the end of the adoption process with us. We couldn't have done all this without your love and support. You deserve a hug.

First Day of Kindergarten

Technically, it's tomorrow. But it can be any harder than today. It just can't.

I keep reading on Facebook how many mothers promise themselves they're not going to cry. And then they do when they kiss their sweet baby goodbye for the first of many, many days in school. As a side note, I wonder if Joel's mom knew when she kissed him goodbye that he would be in school for essentially 24 and a half years.

Silas will attend a university model, classical Christian school. On M/W/F, I will teach him at home. On T/Th, he will go to classes all day with other children his age. I'm interested to see how K5 Latin is taught. I'm even more excited that I get to learn it as I teach it. I have such high expectations of my children speaking French, Italian, Spanish...

Oh, but then there was today.

This morning was the classroom open house, where we were supposed to find out where Silas' room is, get a picture with his teacher, drop off supplies, etc. I expended a moderate amount of effort to find someone to watch the younger kids so just Silas and I could attend and maybe get to know some of his classmates. No babysitter; tough cookies.

I was adamant that we find out before school starts that we can make it somewhere on time. At 8:40, I was giving mean looks and yelling, "Who locked the van doors!!" and "Fine! You can have the paci if you'll get in your car seat!!" and "JUST WEAR THE IRONMAN BOOTS!!!!"

We arrived at 8:58, leaving 2 minutes to spare! 10 points to me.

I (correctly) assumed that I would have to do some chasing Liza around so I opted to wear baby Millie in the sling. This wasn't an easy decision. If I took the stroller, I could have all that grocery cart-like space below for hauling the books, construction paper, glue, markers etc. But if I had to make a quick break to catch Liza, I would be leaving a tiny baby unattended. That wouldn't look good in front of other moms or Silas' teacher. I had to make her believe I'm responsible and I already had some things going against me. For one, Liza's hair was crazy. For two, Micah has a busted lip, completely black and blue, and a sliced chin from a fall at a friend's house last night. For three, no one had matching clothes on, except baby Millie whose clothes you couldn't see because she was in the sling. So, the sling was the most practical choice, plus I thought it would make me look like a cool mom, totally connected to her infant all the while meeting the safety needs of the other children. I also had my cool bandana headband on. I was hoping for "au natural" and "too cool to care" but I'm pretty sure it just came off as "no, no shower this morning."

There we were. The perfect little family. I was wearing my precious happy Millie, carrying a box of books and supplies and holding Micah's hand while Silas and Liza walked calmly hand in hand toward the building. This lasted all of 90 seconds once we got inside. We rounded the corner to see one of my worst enemies right now: a water fountain. A water fountain is like a tantrum trigger to Liza. I don't think this one needs anymore explanation.

As soon as we walked in the classroom, Micah glued himself to my leg and continued to nearly pull my pants off since they didn't fit quite right. Liza did the opposite. Instead of staying close by, she tried to run out of the room several times. Other moms asked how I was doing with thinking about the first day of school but all I could say was, "Sorry, what? Hang on, I have to find my daughter."

We were the last family to have our picture taken with Silas and the last family in the room, which was good because I had to explain why we would be arriving the first day in the wrong uniform and with the wrong backpack. No problem there. We waved goodbye to Mrs. Brown and headed for the door.

On the way down the hall, a couple of moms stopped me to ask about baby Millie. She IS adorable and I now welcome the opportunity to talk to others about adoption so I stopped to chat briefly with a young mom. She told me her family was about to have a home study and she was nervous. At this point, Silas, Micah and Liza were wrestling together on the ground, rolly-poly like bear cubs. They were being nice to each other and mostly out of everyone's way, so I thought I could take the moment to hear this mom's concerns.

I should have just asked for this mom's phone number. But you know how it is. You sit down to call your friend and someone pees on the floor. That didn't seem like a good time to try to tell someone how God has touched your life through adoption. So instead, I tried to listen until I noticed the wrestling had ended and Liza was watching the boys try to open the fire extinguisher box. I quickly put a stop to that and thought surely the mom had gone on her way, seeing that I was out of control of my youngsters. But she looked like she had more to say (and I certainly understand that...). I tried to listen, but when I saw the children jumping up and down on the couches in the lobby, I apologized and said I would have to look for her on a school day after drop-off.

In the my-children-are-perfect fantasy, I tell the children gently and playfully that we only sit on couches and we would have to leave now because they had chosen to behave to like little monkeys. They would nod, maybe one with a penitent tear in her eye, and we would quietly exit the building.

Instead, the boys giggled and got down and started running for the door. Thankfully, they stopped there because Liza had thrown herself on the floor for her second tantrum. I gave her the choice that I do every time: you can hold my hand to the car or I can carry you. She refused to hold my hand but in the moment I had failed to consider that I was already holding one child. Remember? In the sling? So I picked up Liza, slung her around onto my back and carried the two people out to the minivan. I looked sort of like this:But with no hat, no smile, more sweat, larger small baby, and screaming toddler.

Tour of our Winter Home: Blizzards of 2011

You'll be entering our home most likely through the driveway and carport entrance since the natural stone front steps leading to our front door are buried under snow with a special hidden layer of ice underneath. The maze of bikes, strollers, firewood, leaves, shovels and ice is sure to inspire the thrill of having escaped a concussion by the time you reach the door.

Once inside, step over the mound of rain boots, leaves, gloves and sopping towel that is a poor attempt at keeping our creme tile floor un-muddied. Oh, um, remove your shoes, if you please. Now walk into a warm kitchen and eating area. It's bright from the large bay window that overlooks a bird bath and four young azalea bushes whose tips barely peek out the top of the snow. The window seat is a wonderful place to watch cardinals, sparrows, warblers and yellow-bellied sapsuckers eat bird seed, as well as observe the antics of the occasional Chippie the chipmunk. The window can also be used for rapping loudly to make Minty Maize Ruff Ruff stop barking at the neighbors while they're having a smoke.

You may notice that a pile of dirty dishes has been mixed with what precious mail has been gathered. The recycling bin and trash can are overflowing. This is because the Waste Management trucks haven't run in over two weeks. If you'll continue to follow me into the formal dining room, you'll see three puzzles out on the table. These are trophies of the young and they can't be moved. It took them hours to get those puzzles finished. No, no I'm sure that's not Christmas wrapping paper in the corner...



Anyway, come into the yellow room, formally known as the formal living room, and sometimes called the "clean laundry room". I no longer make excuses for the way laundry is put away in this home. Mrs. Oyler puts away the children's laundry. As she hasn't been able to come in a month, the children's laundry is out where they can sift through the piles of clean clothes and find what they need.

Continue to the right and you'll find the great room the cleanest room in the house, except for bark from the firewood and the misplaced diaper rash cream on the mantle. There has been a cozy fire in the fire place, except for the two days between blizzards when we were out of firewood. But we're not out anymore, and the fireplace has been occupied since, augmenting the warmth and keeping spirits high. That most basic of primal privilege has been my favorite part of winter. We like to watch the dogs out of the wall of windows. It's the perfect backdrop for playing Mario Kart Wii for hours on end.

We'll skip the bedrooms. Since all the closets and drawers are empty and clean clothes are in the yellow room, there are really just blankets and legos.

The playroom and guest bedroom are downstairs. They're orderly enough since we often have school down there. The temperature is about 60 degrees all year long since it's 4 feet underground. There is ample storage as well for many canned goods and boxes of hot chocolate to last us through about 4 more blizzards. Again, be wary of legos.

Visiting this winter is an experience you won't want to miss. No need to make excuses anymore for staying in your pajamas all day when you're pajamas are the warmest clothes you own. Drink hot coffee with coffee lovers, warm your soul with a bourbon night cap after the children are down, wake up to sweet sound of the pitter patter of little feet and the lone hen clucking for water that's not frozen solid.



Yes, friends, we're surviving just fine up here.

2011 Resolutions

After a full day of contemplation, here are this year's goals.

1) Write achievable resolutions.

2) Watch the last Harry Potter movie.

3) Take the GRE study guide Joel ordered for me out of the box.

4) Maintain a chicken level of +3 sometime this spring.

5) Upload photos with blog post or blog long enough posts that people won't notice the absence of pictures.

6) Sleep with fewer pillows.

7) Wear a faux hawk for one full day.

8) Make a list or get glasses for reading.

9) Go to the dentist or build a tire swing.

10) Go somewhere.

11) Stay home.

12) Think about teaching Liza to use the potty.

13) Think about methods for teaching children to hang up their towels after baths.

14) Learn to analyze hand writing so I'll know if you're a criminal if you've written me a letter.

15) Do not meet Nicholas Cage or audition for So You Think You Can Dance.